Anjeli Caderamanpulle

Connell’s Chain

the chain is hanging around your neck

dotted loops

i want to go through the motions

with you i want you to tell me

if you think i’m weird

i want to know

i can’t read your mind

love is prostration

the things i feel ambivalent towards

seem to fuck me the hardest

it triggers a pattern of destruction

bile, lymphatic drainage

i ooze out onto the nearest surface

we’re dying and i’m twenty five

it’s tangible now

how i feel

i revert to the simplest moment

a time where we could touch

the beginning was divine timing

tiny explosions unnamed urges and pangs

uncontrollable reactions

compulsions - blaming anything

no decisions

absorb the things i want the most

finality is irreversible

i will lie under the concrete

sunflowers at the Tate

will root

wrap around my everything

tie knots so i don’t forget

there’s no emptiness in wanting

there was more than matter once

Anjeli Caderamanpulle is a poet living in Glasgow. She edits Meet Cute Zine and her first pamphlet, Boys, was published by SPAM Press in March 2020.